


Skilled Mariner

by Elise_Madrid



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-02
Updated: 2014-06-02
Packaged: 2018-02-03 03:34:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1729646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elise_Madrid/pseuds/Elise_Madrid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of events calls into question Kirk’s fealty to his relationship with Spock.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Skilled Mariner

**Author's Note:**

> Originally published June, 2013 in Bondmates Too by Hiccup Press.

It was three hundred hours; the light cast by the computer screen was faint, yet Spock could still make out the form of his lover. Kirk was sleeping soundly and had not woken when Spock had slipped from their bed. Apparently, Kirk slept the sleep of the righteous.

But did he? Was Kirk able to disregard his recent actions or was it that they did not cause distress? Spock was not absolutely certain what had transpired on Gideon before he had made his appearance. What he was certain of was that the woman, Odona, had become quite seriously attached to Kirk in the hours they had spent together.

It troubled Spock. And it troubled him that he was troubled by it. He knew that Kirk had been close to several women before he and Spock had bonded; Spock himself had been drawn to another when his mind was affected by the spores of Omicron Ceti III, though, not being bonded to Kirk at the time, there was no reason for him not to be drawn to Leila Kalomi. Yet even then many of Kirk’s interactions with women had been in the line of duty, to save the ship and its crew, or caused by forces outside of Kirk’s control. But this time...this time, there had been no real reason for Kirk to make the woman think he was interested in her. Unless he was. On her part, Odona had clearly fallen under Kirk’s spell.

_I wish with all my heart to stay with you forever._

How could he forget those words, or the look on her face as she had said them? Though he could not see Kirk’s face, nothing of Odona’s expression led Spock to believe but that what she saw made her think her feelings were returned. He’d stepped into the room interrupting them, not wanting to hear what Kirk’s reply would have been.

Back on the _Enterprise_ , it had only gotten worse. All the while the Gidean female had been on board, Kirk had hovered over her, his concern evident in his every action. Spock wondered what Kirk’s reaction would have been if the woman had asked to go with them, to leave her world behind in order to stay at Kirk’s side. Or had Kirk already asked that of her?

A slight noise drew Spock’s attention to the bed. Kirk had shifted in his sleep to lie on his side and his arm reached out as if in search of his missing lover. Did Kirk miss him when he was not there? Spock had always assumed so. But now all his assumptions were being called into question.

Spock had fought with himself over this ever since. They had returned the woman to her planet, her future inexorably tied to that of her people, yet still he saw her as a threat, if only to his peace of mind. Even as he had watched Gideon quickly drop away behind them, he had not been able to forget what he had seen.

He had tried to focus on their next mission; the equipment they had picked up from Starbase six sat in the hold, waiting to be delivered to Memory Alpha. Though not directly in charge, still Spock should have been engrossed by the work of preparing the equipment for transfer. Instead, he found himself returning time and again to the contemplation of Kirk’s behavior.

Should he confront Kirk? Would Kirk react with anger when he realized what it was Spock suspected of him? Or would he confirm Spock’s suspicions and demand to be freed? Spock had no idea how he would survive that. As it was, a silence had grown between them that had never existed before. It was evident that Kirk knew something was amiss; Spock had noted his lover’s covert glances and uneasy scrutiny. But either out of respect for Spock’s privacy or because he truly did not care, he had said nothing.

Spock shuddered. The light robe he had thrown on was not enough to keep him warm. Or was it the chill of his thoughts that sent shivers down his body? The idea that he had lost Kirk’s love turned him cold.

No, he would not contemplate such a thing. Kirk showed in so many ways that Spock was important to him. There was no way to misrepresent his lover’s regard. Kirk loved him. All that was needed was for Spock to speak of his concerns. Things could not go on as they were. He would speak with Kirk this very day.

Resolved, he turned off the terminal and stood up. He moved quickly toward the sleeping area, removing his robe as he went and draping it over the foot of the bed. The sheets were cool as he slid in next to his lover but Kirk’s warm body was there waiting for him. The human unconsciously drew him into his arms and resettled without waking. Held thus, Spock strove for the sleep that had thus far eluded him.

~~~~~

Kirk studied his first officer and tried not to hope. Maybe tonight he could finally get to the bottom of whatever it was that was bothering Spock. Kirk had tried, more than once since whatever had set Spock off had happened, to draw him out, but he had been met with the Vulcan at his most implacable. Nothing was wrong, or so Spock said, and Kirk was getting heartily sick of it. He had contemplated forcing the issue, but the habit of giving Spock space to deal with any emotional issues was too ingrained. Still, it appeared that something must have happened because, as they sat in McCoy’s office, arguing love as motivation, his first officer appeared almost normal.

Could that be it? Had Spock found answer to whatever his questions were through his observation of Scotty and Mira Romaine? Kirk found he couldn’t wait to ask his lover what opinions he’d formed from watching Mr. Scott’s determination to hold onto the woman he loved.

But first things first. After ordering the ship back to Memory Alpha, he studied McCoy and Spock in turn.

“Well, this is an _Enterprise_ first. Dr. McCoy, Mr. Spock and Engineer Scott find themselves in complete agreement. Can I stand the strain?”

After a couple of seconds of dead silence, McCoy snorted in amusement. “Don’t get used to it, Jim. I can’t imagine it’ll happen again anytime soon.”

“I can dream, can’t I?” 

“Well, I suppose anything’s possible.”

“Though one would assume highly improbable,” Spock added.

Kirk grinned. Yes, things did appear to be getting back to normal.

“There you go again, agreeing with me,” McCoy shot back. “Maybe it’s not such an impossible dream after all, Jim.”

Kirk rubbed his face and stood up, the two other men following his lead. “Speaking of dreaming, since it’s past twenty-three hundred hours I think I’ll head off to bed. It’s been a long and eventful day.”

“You can say that again,” McCoy remarked as he escorted them out of his office. “And not everyone has the incentive to keep working that Scotty has.”

“Oh, I don’t doubt he and Lieutenant Romaine will wait until morning to actually start working. Something tells me they have better things to do with their time right now.”

McCoy chuckled but remained behind as Kirk and Spock exited sickbay.

Kirk gave the doctor a perfunctory wave as the door closed behind them and he started for his cabin. It was an encouraging sign to have Spock fall into step beside him, yet he couldn’t help but hold a figurative breath until they were in their quarters.

The door had barely closed before Kirk had pulled off his shirt and was working on his boots. “Do you mind if I go first?” he asked, nodding toward the bathroom door.

“That would be agreeable.” Spock had removed his own footwear and now stood next to the open closet. he waited patiently for Kirk’s boots and then placed them on the floor next to his before grabbing his robe and laying it at the foot of the bed. “I shall spend the time completing my report on the Zetarians.”

“I wonder if the Federation will send anyone back to Zetar.”

“I presume that they will. Initially, the planet was given only a cursory exploration; so little was left from whatever it was that befell them, it was deemed a waste of resources to investigate any further. A more concentrated survey is sure to follow.”

“It should prove interesting.” Kirk smiled at his first officer. “Well, I’ll let you get to it.”

While Spock immersed himself in his report, Kirk finished undressing, his trousers and underwear joining his shirt on the floor—he’d pick them up later—and then entered the bathroom.

He didn’t take long, hurrying, not just because of his fatigue, but because of his strong impression that Spock was finally ready to open up to him. The impression was strengthened when, stepping out from his shower, he was confronted by an already nude Vulcan. Without a word, Spock stepped around him and entered the sonic. With a shrug, Kirk exited the room and headed for their sleeping area.

He lowered the lights and then pulled back the covers to stretch out on the bed, his legs tucked underneath the sheet. Thinking better of it, he propped the pillows up behind him so that he was in more of a sitting position. If Spock had unbent enough to talk about whatever it was that was bothering him, Kirk didn’t want to inadvertently fall asleep.

Crossing his legs and locking his hands together behind his head, he allowed himself to relax and think about the last two weeks.

He’d been taken aback as it had slowly dawned on him that Spock was closing him out. Oh, it had appeared normal enough between them, as long as you didn’t look too closely. Spock was still there for chess games and walks through the ship at night, still everything a captain would want from his first officer. But the warmth he had always greeted Kirk with, as they woke together in their bed or after time apart caused by the dictates of duty, was no longer there. Friendly was not a word he ever would have thought to use in order to describe Spock, but that’s how he’d been toward Kirk—friendly. A cool, precise friendliness that went so far but no further. And they hadn’t made love. That had been the biggest shock of all.

Since their bonding, Spock had proved to be an inventive and considerate lover. He’d also proved to have just as strong a libido as Kirk did—and not at all shy about asking for what he wanted.

He had been speechless the first time Spock had waited only for the door to close behind them before quite literally sweeping Kirk off his feet and into bed...not that much speech had been called for. He’d found himself quickly undressed and his arms filled with a determined Vulcan. Kirk smiled and felt his cock twitch as he recalled the outcome of that particular night. He missed that. He missed Spock.

Kirk came up on one elbow as the bathroom door slid open and Spock walked out. He had his robe on, but he had left it untied so Kirk had a good view of Spock’s body. The lean musculature, the sleek, dark hair that covered chest and groin, was more than enough to further arouse him. He quickly sat up, pulling the sheet up to hide his erection. Even if Spock seemed to be unbending somewhat, somehow Kirk didn’t think his bondmate would appreciate Kirk thinking that it was an automatic invitation for sex. He cleared his throat.

“I, um, I guess it’s time to turn in.”

Spock didn’t say anything as he approached the bed. He stood in front of Kirk, still silent as he let his robe slip from his body and onto the floor. Spreading one hand out on Kirk’s chest, he gently but determinedly pushed Kirk onto his back while repositioning the pillows with his free hand. He climbed in and settled on his side, so that he was looking down on Kirk.

“What?”

“I wish to speak with you.”

“I’m listening.”

“I...” Spock swallowed. “I wish to apologize for my recent behavior.”

“And I’d love to accept it, but I think I’m more interested in an explanation, because I don’t have any idea what it was I did to make you so m.... to disappoint you.”

“I am not sure you did anything.”

“I don’t understand. If I did nothing—”

“What were your feelings for Odona?”

Kirk’s eyes widened in surprise. “Odona? I...” He thought a moment. “I liked the girl. She was smart and really quite brave. Not many would be willing to sacrifice their life for others.”

“And lovely.”

“Yes,” Kirk slowly answered. “But what’s that got to do with anything?” He gave Spock a hard look. “You think I was with her, don’t you?”

“I do not know. All I can go by is her own remarks. I overheard her tell you that she would wish to stay with you forever. Are those not the words one lover would say to another?”

Kirk stared down at his hands, not at all sure how to respond. “It’s complicated.”

“I have found that is often the case with you.”

The words, said more in resignation than in condemnation, stung. Probably because they were true. He only hoped he could make Spock understand.

“I meant because the situation was so complicated. I had to gain her trust, Spock. Maybe I went a little overboard. I don’t know. It didn’t seem like it at the time. And maybe I was intrigued by her, a little, but mostly I was worried. About the _Enterprise._ About you. I had no idea what had happened, and I would have done anything to find out. To get my ship back. To get you back.”

“It appeared to be more.”

“It wasn’t. She’s young, and the young fall in love, for lack of a better term, so easily. I played on her inexperience. I’m not proud of that. And I’ll admit, it’s a tactic I tend to fall back on because it works. It didn’t seem to bother you when I was with Deela.” Kirk hadn’t wanted to, but he’d told Spock everything that had happened. Spock’s reaction—or lack of one—had surprisingly hurt.

“That was different. The ship was in danger. If you had not found a way to allay her suspicions, she would never have dropped her guard long enough for you to unarm her and break away to destroy the devise. And,” he took a deep breath, “perhaps I had not yet come to truly believe that you were mine. We had been together only a short time.”

Kirk finally looked up at his bondmate. “It’s hard for me to imagine that you wouldn’t know that I was yours. That I am yours. Maybe I’ve never said it, but there’s nothing or no one who could take me away from you, Spock. I wanted you for so long, I can’t imagine never not wanting you.” He searched Spock’s face, looking for some sign that his bondmate truly understood what he was saying. “I can’t guarantee that I’ll never have to use the same tactics again, but know that it doesn’t mean anything, because I’d never do anything to hurt you or what we have. You mean more to me—”

Spock placed a finger over Kirk’s lips, halting the flow of words. He smiled and then lowered his head and replaced his finger with his mouth.

Kirk opened his own and welcomed the heat of Spock’s tongue as it probed inside. His hands came up to caress Spock’s head, the silk of his hair sliding through Kirk’s fingers. Without breaking the kiss, he spread his legs to allow Spock to settle between his thighs. The Vulcan pressed down on top of him, his rigid cock aligned with Kirk’s.

Breaking the kiss, he let his head fell back against the pillow and he groaned aloud at the feel of the organ against his own. His hands fell to grab onto Spock’s shoulders while his legs seemed to come up on their own volition to wrap themselves around Spock’s hips. He ground his body against Spock’s, and with each thrust of the Vulcan’s pelvis Kirk surged up to meet it, their bodies sliding against each other’s in a frenzy of motion.

He could hear Spock’s labored breath and the erotic slap of flesh against flesh. The Vulcan’s hands had settled on his ass, and all it took was the feel of Spock’s fingers teasing at the entrance of his body to push him over the edge. Kirk gave a strangled whine and squeezed his eyes shut as his orgasm overwhelmed him.

Spock stilled as Kirk’s seed spilled out to coat their bellies. After a moment, Kirk felt Spock’s hand insinuate itself between their bodies. With deft fingers Spock collected the emissions, using it to coat his cock. He kissed Kirk again, while his semen-coated fingers found their way down and into Kirk’s rectum.

Kirk lifted his hips to encourage the probing of his body, the long Vulcan fingers stretching his anus, opening him up wide. He felt their withdrawal and then the push of Spock’s organ entering him. He hissed in the half pain, half pleasure of being filled, relaxing his muscles as the organ made its way inside of him. Kirk felt Spock’s testicles nestle against his ass, and then Spock began to move.

Spock pulled almost all the way out before plowing forward again, beginning a rhythm of deep thrusts, keeping only his lower body in motion as his cock slid in and out of Kirk’s body. Spock looked down at him through narrowed eyes, as if studying Kirk.

“What?” Kirk whispered.

“There is so much I still do not know about you.”

Kirk’s smile was bittersweet. “That works both ways.” He gasped as Spock’s penis hit his prostate. “But we’re getting there.”

~~~~~

Kirk signed off on the supply requisition and handed it back to his yeoman. He leaned back and contemplated the image on the forward screen. Nothing but the stars stared back. It was quiet on the bridge, a peaceful time between assignments. They’d left Memory Alpha behind the day before, though not without entrusting the place to good hands. Knowing that it would take years for the library to be what it once had been, the Federation had dispatched a team of experts to begin the tedious task of replacing all the destroyed knowledge. Waiting for them would be a handful of _Enterprise_ crew members—including Mira Romaine.

He rubbed his chin, frowning as he remembered his chief engineer’s pain. He and the young woman had had so little time. But with the installation of the new equipment at Memory Alpha, Romaine’s job on the _Enterprise_ would have become a repetitive cycle of data entry and equipment repair. Given a choice between that and the difficult and satisfying job of helping to rebuild the library, Romaine had made the only choice her drive and intellect would have allowed. But in doing so, she had sacrificed Scotty and all the love he had to give her.

_Sometimes, it doesn’t take much at all to split two people apart._

Some people, anyway. He glanced over at the science station. It was vacant at the moment, as Spock was spending the day in the science labs. Still, Kirk couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face. They were back in tune again and all was right with the world.

“So, what’s making you so blasted happy?”

Kirk turned to find McCoy standing next to his chair.

“What’s the matter, Bones, things too boring in sickbay?”

“Yes, thank goodness. After this last week, I could do with some down time. I might even catch up on my reports.”

Kirk grinned. “I could do with some down time myself.”

“Oh?” McCoy looked pointedly at Spock’s station. “Your bondmate finally decide to get that stick out of his a—”

“Bones!” Kirk hissed and looked around the bridge before turning to glare at McCoy. “He’s still first officer aboard this ship. I’d advise you to try to remember that.”

“How can I forget?” He waved off Kirk’s protest, “I’m not saying it just to be mean. He’s been going around here like someone’s killed his pet sehlat. And when he gets like that, you become almost impossible to live with. So, Captain, sir, has our resident Vulcan finally said what’s been bothering him?”

“All right, all right.” Kirk propped his elbow on the armrest and leaned closer to McCoy. “Yes, we worked things out. No, I’m not going to tell you what it was. It’s over and done with and it’s none of your business, anyway.”

“Glad to hear it, because, truthfully, Jim, I’m not all that keen on hearing about what goes on between the two of you. No offense.”

“None taken. I—”

“Captain, a message is coming in, priority channel.”

“Put it on screen, Uhura.”

The stars he’d been admiring disappeared, to be replaced by the stern visage of Admiral Fitzpatrick.

“What may I do for you, Admiral?”

“Captain Kirk, the _Enterprise_ is ordered to proceed at top warp speed to the planet, Ardana. Once there, you will pick up a delivery of zenite.”

“Zenite?” Kirk turned to McCoy. “Isn’t that used against botanical diseases?”

“It sure is. Whatever’s going on must be pretty bad.”

Kirk returned his attention to the admiral. “We’ll head there immediately. Where will we be delivering the zenite?”

“To Merak Two. There’s a botanical plague raging there that’s threatening to wipe out all plant life, making the planet uninhabitable.”

“We’ll do everything in our power to make sure that doesn’t happen, Admiral.”

Fitzpatrick reached over to a set of controls. “I’m sending the coordinates now for your contacts at Ardana and Merak Two.”

“Got them, Uhura?” Kirk glanced back toward his communications officer.

“Yes, sir.”

“Relay them to navigation.” Kirk looked back at the screen. “Who in particular am I to contact on Ardana?”

“The High Advisor has been notified that you’ll be picking up the consignment. Contact him once you make orbit. Fitzpatrick out.”

“Sulu, warp eight to Ardana.”

“Yes, sir, warp eight.”

Kirk heard the engines as they powered up to their highest speed and felt the slight pull of displacement. He cast a glance at McCoy. “Well, so much for a nice, leisurely turn through space.”

“I suppose it was too much to ask for.” McCoy shrugged. “Shouldn’t be too bad, though, should it? After all, all we have to do is pick up the consignment and be on our way.”

“No,” Kirk responded, “shouldn’t be.”

~~~~~

Kirk waited for the door to close behind the sentinel before turning to inspect their quarters. As it was an inner chamber, there was not the stunning view of the planet below as there had been in the council gallery they had beamed to. Kirk had been duly impressed, though that good impression hadn’t lasted long. Still, the Ardanans were doing their best to make their stay pleasant. Given the circumstances, it was the least they could do.

“Nice.” He tested the bed by stretching out on its surface.

“Are you tired, Captain?” Spock asked as he took the chair placed nearby.

“Not particularly. I’m more concerned about the zenite. It doesn’t say a lot about these peoples’ security that it could be so easily taken.”

“I believe they have underestimated the resistance by the workers.”

“The ‘troglytes’?”

A look that conveyed his distaste crossed Spock’s face.

“Interesting how such a word evolved to describe the surface dwellers. That it is so very similar to ‘troglodyte,’ cannot be mere coincidence.”

“It’s probably the closest in standard to whatever name their own language gives them. And they are, it appears, cave dwellers.”

“Perhaps not by choice, considering the High Advisor’s words.”

“Something’s going on here. If those people are desperate enough to try to take hostages, or to use the zenite as leverage, what they’re demanding must be pretty important to them.”

“So it would appear, though there are those on Stratos who don’t seem to agree.”

“No, they don’t, do they?” Kirk couldn’t help but wonder if Spock had noticed that Droxine was one of those people. He’d seen the way the High Advisor’s daughter had looked at Spock—and how it hadn’t seemed to bother Spock at all. “What concerns me more is how they’ve managed to hide their problem from the Federation. If, in fact, the people on the surface are being kept from the full benefits of their labor, then Ardana is going against the very constitution they swore to uphold when they became a member.”

“Will you be including that in your report?”

“You’re damn right I am.”

Kirk closed his eyes, suddenly very tired. He remembered his last words to McCoy with a touch of exasperation. If they didn’t get the zenite soon, it might be too late for Merak Two.

He mentally scowled. He’d run across unbalanced societies before, but never where the unbalance was so extreme—or so absurdly defended by those in power. Those who toiled were little more than slaves; no amount of artwork or technological wonders could change that.

He’d been surprised by Spock’s comments, because he hadn’t thought that Spock had even noticed, too taken by Plasus’ daughter. That simpering, underdressed doll was about the furthest thing from a work of art Kirk had ever seen. But then, Spock had never had very good taste in women.

_Okay, so it was just one, but she was bad enough._

He thought about his reaction to Leila Kalomi. It had been about the same as to Droxine, and he and Spock hadn’t been together then. But both women put his teeth on edge. He’d never cared for women who purposely projected a sense of helplessness to get what they wanted. And even though Kalomi had been a scientist, she had still struck Kirk as that kind of woman, using that perceived helplessness to reel in some unsuspecting man. Just like Droxine.

Was Spock really attracted to her? As hard as that was to believe, it certainly appeared that way. Kirk didn’t for a minute believe that Spock would do anything about it; the Vulcan just wasn’t made that way. But a little flirtation never hurt anyone, and, given the right circumstances, why wouldn’t Spock take the opportunity to wile away a bit of time with the woman, especially if, in another time and place, she would have been just what Spock was looking for?

Which made him wonder what the hell Spock saw in _him._

Forcing away a smile, Kirk couldn’t help the feeling of satisfaction he got from the fact that Spock did want him. He could feel the Vulcan, sitting mere feet away, their minds somehow intertwined, though no thoughts were shared.

_Never and always, touching and touched._

From the moment he’d heard that phrase, he’d known that he wanted that with Spock. It had taken over a year of teasing and coaxing, of an almost constant flirting on his part, for Spock to decide that it was what he wanted, too.

Kirk almost being forever lost in inter-dimensional space probably hadn’t hurt, either, but whatever the reason for Spock’s decision, Kirk had gloried in the knowledge that Spock wanted him just as badly as he wanted Spock. After he’d been rescued, after they’d placated the Tholians, brought Starfleet up to speed on the situation and gotten the hell out of there, Spock had come to him during ship’s night. What followed was a night of just about the most fantastic lovemaking Kirk had ever experienced. So what if they were still finding their way? What he had with Spock was more than he’d ever dreamed of having and well worth an occasional storm or two. He wasn’t giving it up for anyone. Miss Cloud minder could just go hang.

The noise from outside forced his eyes open, though only slightly, so that anyone looking at him would assume he was still asleep. He watched as Spock rose and left the room. Standing just outside the open doorway, was Droxine.

Later, after they’d finally managed to retrieve the zenite and had returned to Stratos from the Ardanian mines, Kirk couldn’t help but covertly watch Spock’s exchange with Droxine. The woman was still at her blandishing best but Kirk wasn’t worried. He’d come up with a theory about his bondmate’s attention to the woman; how Spock would react to that theory was something Kirk was looking forward to finding out.

~~~~~

The sound of the surf, coupled with the heat of the day, had almost lulled Kirk to sleep. The blanket spread beneath him offered a comforting buffer against the hot sand, yet allowed enough of its heat to percolate through. It felt good against the bruises that mottled his body.

They’d been lucky to get shore leave here. There was only the beginnings of a starbase on Merak I, but the planet held far more attractions and was a popular destination for space weary starship crew—and officers. After making sure that the plague on Merak II was under control, Kirk had ordered the ship to its sister planet for some much needed R&R.

He turned over on his stomach and rested his head on his folded arms.

“The bruising has begun to fade.”

Kirk squinted up at Spock. The Vulcan sat only feet away, his legs crossed beneath him with a book propped in his lap.

“Would you mind adding more sunscreen? All I need is to layer them with sunburn.”

Spock put his book aside and, grabbing the sunscreen from the basket they’d brought with them, scooted over until he was sitting at Kirk’s side. He uncapped the tube and squirted out a generous amount.

“God, that feels good,” Kirk said as his bondmate’s large, warm hands settled on his back and began to knead the lotion into his skin.

“The ointment also contains an analgesic.”

“Was that McCoy’s idea or yours?”

“It was the doctor’s but I concurred. You were the brunt of more than one attack recently.”

Kirk snorted. “I figured Vanna would be a handful, but who’d ever thought that Plasus would put up as big of a fight as he did?”

“His anger added to his strength.”

“It’s hard to imagine that a supposed higher culture would still hold onto the idea that they were inherently superior to those of the same species, as if the benefits they kept from the tro—cave dwellers had absolutely nothing to do with it.”

“It is difficult to conceive that the entire culture believed so.”

“Plasus certainly did...and so did his daughter,” Kirk couldn’t help adding.

The hands on his back stilled for a moment, but then returned to their massage.

“You were not asleep when I left the room, then.”

“No, I wasn’t.” Kirk pushed himself up and pivoted around until he was sitting facing Spock. “I have to admit, you surprised me.”

“In what way?” Spock asked, his attention seemingly on the towel he was using to wipe his hands.

“You were attracted to her.”

Spock finished cleaning his hands before responding. “I do not believe ‘attracted’ would be the correct word. ‘Intrigued’ would perhaps be more accurate.”

“How did she intrigue you?”

“She appeared completely unaffected by social norms. She seemed to believe that her beauty and social standing outweighed propriety.”

“You thought her beautiful?”

“Did you not?”

Kirk chuckled. “Not particularly. I like...liked my women with a bit more fire.” He gave Spock a speculative look. “Did you enjoy flirting with her?”

Spock looked at him, clearly affronted. “I was not—”

“Yes, you were, and that’s okay. In your own way I suppose you were trying to gather information. Maybe not for the ship, but, still, I think that’s what you were doing.”

“I am not certain that I agree with your assessment, but if that was, indeed, the case, it did not distress you?”

“It did at first, before I thought it through. If it hadn’t been for Vanna showing up, I can’t guarantee that I wouldn’t have bolted from my bed and followed you out the door. But I’ve been giving it some thought and I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s just your way of trying to figure out what makes me tick.”

One eyebrow rose. “You have ascertained that my actions, my ‘flirting,’ if you will, were an endeavor to more completely understand you?”

“Yes, I have.” Kirk leaned back, bending his arm and settling his weight on his elbow. “You said it yourself, there’s a lot you don’t know about me. What better way to find out than to do the exact same thing that I did?”

“Your interaction with Odona.”

“Exactly.”

Kirk could tell by the look on his face that Spock wasn’t completely buying his theory.

“You’re new to all this, Spock. And not just what’s between us. But I think what is between us has got you curious about a lot of other things, too. Things you may have never given much thought to before, like maybe changing how you interact with others, not just me. You’re experimenting. There’s nothing wrong with that.” He grimaced in exasperation. “Well, can you come up with a better explanation?”

With a thoughtful look on his face, Spock reclined next to Kirk. He brought his arms up and clasped his hands behind his head. It was a pose he had only recently began to employ and only when they were alone. Kirk loved it, the raised arms accentuating Spock’s biceps and pectorals.

Kirk scooted closer, so that their bodies were touching, and lazily drew figure eights in the Vulcan’s chest hair. “Well?”

Spock concentrated on Kirk’s hand. “I find it difficult at this time to focus my thoughts on the subject.”

“Oh, really?” He pressed his groin against Spock’s hip, his already hard cock teased by the pressure.

“Perhaps some action on your part could direct my regard in a more... interesting direction.”

Kirk grinned as his hand snaked down and into Spock’s trunks. Apparently, Spock wasn’t all that concerned with coming up with an opposing theory. He wrapped his hand around the burgeoning organ and gave it an affectionate squeeze. “I’ll think of something.”

~~~~~

Their shore leaves were never long enough, ship’s business often reducing them to little more than stopovers. But not this time. This time they had managed three days together, just the two of them, enjoying their time away from all the big and small interruptions that were a part of their daily lives. By the time they’d returned to the _Enterprise,_ Kirk could categorically state that he and Spock were totally in synch.

They were back at their stations and cruising near the Romulan Neutral zone when they picked up the small ship’s signal. No private craft had any business this far out, so when their hailing transmission was ignored, Kirk ordered a change in heading and gave chase.

The chase ended with the destruction of the ship they’d identified as the stolen space cruiser, _Aurora,_ as its overheated engines exploded. Left in their care were her disreputable passengers.

 

Kirk slipped into Spock’s cabin, letting the doors close behind him, locking out the chaos brought on by their unwanted guests. Taking a seat at the desk, he read through the medical reports Starfleet had sent regarding Dr. Sevrin. As both Spock and Dr. McCoy had surmised, the man was certifiably insane.

Running his hands over his face, Kirk blew out a sigh of frustration. Ever since they’d taking on the _Aurora’s_ passengers, their unwanted guests had created one disruption after another.

Kirk could probably have handled that; he found all of them—from their leader, the self-absorbed Dr. Sevrin, to Irina Galliulin, the Academy drop-out—hopeless dreamers. If there ever had been an Eden, mankind had walked itself out and thrown away the key; there was no going back. But it was Spock’s reaction to the group that had him puzzled.

The group may have been made up of social outcasts, ‘aliens in their own worlds,’ a condition Spock was more than familiar with, but that was all they had in common. These people had all blamed their situation on outside forces, circumstances beyond their control, refusing the notion that it was something they themselves might have caused. Running away had been their only solution. There was no way in the world he could believe that Spock would ever take that course of action.

So why this ridiculous hunt for a planet that probably didn’t exist? Why encourage their headlong flight from reality?

He shook his head. There really were no answers. Standing up, he decided to take a shower and get ready for bed. Spock would be tied up with setting up some sort of musical session in one of the rec rooms for at least a couple of hours. He grimaced. Yet another of his bondmate’s misguided attempts at understanding these people.

As he passed Spock’s dresser, he noticed a small, oval-shaped item. He picked it up. More than anything, it looked like a boiled egg, completely white except for the small yellow ‘yolk’ near the bottom. He frowned. Wasn’t this what all Sevrin’s people wore? What the hell was Spock doing with one?

In a moment of pique, Kirk threw it down the disposal chute. He wiped his fingers on his pant leg, still able to feel the greasy-slick film that seemed to cling to the thing.

He took a long, hot shower, wanting to wash away his frustration, along with the headache that had followed him all day. Afterwards, he crawled into bed and was asleep within minutes.

He woke up later in the night. Spock was curled up behind him, one arm tucked around his waist. Kirk nestled in closer and closed his eyes.

~~~~~

Events would prove Kirk’s initial impression of Sevrin’s group correct. Still, with the ship safe from the outcasts’ machinations, he tried to be magnanimous.

 

“We reach, Mister Spock.”

But only because, he realized as he watched his first officer walk back to his station, he could finally agree with Spock on one thing; whatever Eden Miss Galliulin found it would be a place she had made on her own. As for himself, he was just glad to see the end of the entire affair. He regretted Dr. Sevrin’s and Adam’s deaths, but their thinking was too alien for him to ever understand what it was that drove them.

He glanced over at Spock and felt a sudden frisson of anger. Because he’d let his guard down, swayed not a little by Spock’s empathy for the group, everyone on the _Enterprise_ had almost died. That was a fact Kirk would have a hard time forgetting. But, for now, other things took precedent. He reopened the channel to the transporter room.

“Scotty, have our guests left yet?”

“Just finished beaming them down, Captain. They’re someone else’s problem now.”

Kirk grinned. “Thanks, Mr. Scott.” He settled into his chair, giving into his relief with a sigh. “Back to where we were, Mr. Sulu. Lay in a course for the Neutral Zone. A leisurely warp two should do.”

“Yes, sir,” Sulu responded, his fingers instinctively running over the controls.

On the screen, the starbase grew rapidly smaller as the _Enterprise_ drew away, and then swung out of orbit.

A comp-pad balanced on his lap, Kirk used the remaining time of his shift to read through and sign the many reports that had piled up over the last few days. Though easier to do from his desk, he found the quiet efficiency of the bridge crew calming. He worked through his lunch, giving Spock only a cursory shake of his head as the Vulcan left for his own meal. By the time his shift ended, he had the beginnings of a nagging headache.

It followed him down to sickbay, where he’d gone to look for McCoy, hoping for some company. From there he was forwarded to the science lab by Nurse Chapel. Apparently, something from Eden had caught McCoy’s interest. Going by the near mob in the lab, his wasn’t the only one.

Kirk slipped inside the private cubicle where McCoy was working and took a seat on one of the stools pushed against one wall. After a couple of minutes of being ignored, he finally spoke.

“Any chance I can drag you away from here for a meal?”

McCoy pulled back from the eyepiece he’d been peering through and looked over at the chronometer on the wall. “Is it that time already?” He knuckled his eyes and chuckled. “I probably would have ended up staying here all night if you hadn’t shown up.”

“What’s so interesting?” Kirk asked as he leaned forward as if to take a peek.

“It’s amazing, Jim. I’m not sure what in the world happened to cause the vegetation on that planet to become exclusively poisonous, but whatever it was, it must have caused a huge upheaval in its ecosystem.”

“Or been caused by it.”

“Yes, that could have done it, too. Either way, it’s a wonder that there’s _anything_ left alive. And going by what’s showing up,” he tapped a finger against the microscope, “I wonder if we can even call this stuff life—at least, as far as we know it.”

“Explain.”

“I can’t. It obviously reproduces, but its cellular structure isn’t like any life I’ve ever seen. If I didn’t know better, I’d say I’d been looking at slides of crystals slowly growing.” McCoy reached out and switched off the machine. “The science department is having a field day with this one.”

“Which probably means Spock will be there all night. Now that the whole Eden mess is behind us, he should have plenty of time to spend on ship’s business.”

McCoy gave him a look. “Trouble in paradise?”

“I don’t know. I guess it took me by surprise that he could be taken in by that bunch.”

“Spock has his blind spots just like everyone else.” McCoy stood and nodded toward the door. “Come on, if I’m going to spend time trying to figure out how our resident Vulcan works, I’m going to need some nourishment.”

That sounded good to Kirk since that was exactly why he’d come; with luck, it might even help his headache. He followed the doctor out, but was surprised when McCoy led him to the officers’ mess. Most of the time they ate with the crew.

“Why here?” Kirk asked as he gathered his meal.

“I didn’t figure you’d want to air your dirty laundry in front of everyone. It’s usually pretty empty in here about this time.”

McCoy picked up his tray and headed for a table near the back of the room. He took a seat with his back to the wall, forcing Kirk to sit facing it. As he took his place, he had to concede that the doctor knew him pretty well; it was a good way to make sure his attention didn’t stray.

“That’s quite a meal you’ve got there,” McCoy noted as he eyed the steak and potatoes on Kirk’s plate.

“I haven’t eaten since breakfast. Can you let it go just once?”

McCoy shrugged. “It’s your funeral.”

“Things keep going the way that they have, the last thing I’ll have to worry about is having a stroke.”

“We did have a pretty close call, didn’t we?”

Kirk stabbed at his meal. “Close, and completely avoidable. I should have thrown them in the brig the moment they came on board.”

“I thought Starfleet wanted you to handle them with kid gloves.”

“I do have a certain amount of latitude when it comes to deciding how I’m going to handle a certain situation. They may not have liked it, but I doubt they would have kicked up too big a fuss.”

“So, why didn’t you?”

“I don’t know.” Kirk took a forkful of potatoes and slowly chewed as he pondered his reasons for not following his first inclination. He swallowed and then followed it with a sip of coffee. “Maybe I wanted to give them the benefit of a doubt.”

“Or maybe someone else did.”

“What does that mean?”

“Think about it, Jim. From practically the moment that group materialized in the transporter room, Spock was right there, getting all cozy with them. Are you sure you didn’t allow them free rein of the ship for his benefit?”

“Is that what you think?”

McCoy stared at Kirk for a moment. “You sure you want to know what I think?”

“You mean if I don’t you won’t tell me?” Kirk responded with a knowing look.

McCoy chuckled. “No, just making sure you know what you’re getting into. But, to be perfectly frank, I think that ever since you and Spock got together you’ve taken what he wants more into consideration than maybe you should.”

“He’s my first officer, too, McCoy. I’m supposed to take his thoughts into consideration.”

“Not like this. Besides, I’m not really talking about ship’s business. As far as I know, this is the first time what he wanted may not have been the best thing for the ship.”

“What are you talking about, then?”

“You know exactly what I’m talking about.”

Kirk shook his head in frustration. Unfortunately, he knew exactly what McCoy was referring to: his and Spock’s bonding.

For some reason that Kirk could never understand, McCoy had been adamantly opposed to his bonding with Spock from the very beginning. He had been shocked at McCoy’s reaction the first time he’d mentioned that he and Spock were thinking about it, to the point that he’d put off telling the doctor until after the deed was done, when it was too late for McCoy’s ranting to make any difference. Not that they ever would have, but Kirk hadn’t wanted his friend’s reservations to destroy the happiness of the moment.

“You’re wrong, you know. Neither one of us has regretted bonding for even a moment.”

“Well, you haven’t been bonded all that long. It’s been, what, a little less than six months? The honeymoon isn’t even over yet. Not that I can imagine there being much of one to begin with.”

Kirk rubbed his forehead. His headache was getting worse. “I know you think Spock is incapable of having any real feelings for me—”

“No, Jim, I think he’s incapable of facing those feelings. Of course he wanted to bond with you. His Vulcan biology damn near demanded it, and what a great excuse, too. But real, honest to god love? No, he’d never admit to that.”

“Not everything has to be said, McCoy. Some things a person just knows.”

“Is that what you tell yourself? That maybe, someday, he’ll tell you that he loves you? Not that he needs you, or wants you, but that he loves you. As much as you love him.”

Kirk couldn’t help but remember Spock’s nonchalance about his being with Deela—and suddenly Spock’s interest in Droxine took on a new light. Had it been more than him being merely intrigued by her? Had Spock been attracted to the woman? He had admitted to finding her attractive. Maybe if given time, he would have taken it further. Maybe as far as Kirk had taken things with Deela.

He shoved his tray away and stood up. “You’re wrong, McCoy. And I’d thank you to not stick your nose in something that’s none of your business.

With those words, he turned and left the completely stunned doctor to finish his meal alone.

~~~~~

“Come on, Spock, you can do better than that.”

Spock carefully watched his captain as he got up. Spock’s throw had sent Kirk to the floor, his sweaty body hitting the mat with a heavy thud. Now, Kirk looked ready to return the favor—if he could.

But Kirk was not wrestling as he usually did. Often, Spock found himself struggling to keep hold of his slippery bondmate, as Kirk managed to break one hold after another. Somehow, he was able to use his agility and speed quite successfully against Spock’s greater Vulcan strength. It made for an even match between them. Not now. Only minutes before, he had only barely managed to escape the hold Kirk had had on him that would have broken the back of a human.

Spock didn’t need his telepathic link to the human to know the instant Kirk had decided to charge at him. It was as if there was no thought to Kirk’s actions, only undisciplined emotion. And that wasn’t his captain at all.

With a quick turn, Spock sidestepped Kirk’s rush and brought him to the mats again. This time, he threw himself onto Kirk in an attempt to keep him from continuing this charade of a match.

He tried holding Kirk down, but Kirk was having none of it. He continued to struggle against Spock’s hold, forcing Spock to cling more tightly as Kirk used every weapon in his arsenal to break away.

“Jim, stop struggling. You will only injure yourself.”

Either Kirk didn’t hear or didn’t care. When he managed to free one hand, he swung out and it was only his own quick movement that kept it from connecting with Spock’s jaw.

His surprise almost allowed Kirk to break free. Spock was able to grab hold of him at the last second, but then found himself rolling around on the mats as Kirk’s struggles redoubled. Finally, he managed to force Kirk onto his stomach and used his own weight to hold him down.

“You will cease your illogical resistance,” he ground out as Kirk continued to struggle beneath him.

“Go to hell.”

“Do not force me to use extraordinary means to subdue you.”

“You mean a neck-pinch? That’s fighting dirty, Spock.”

“This is not a fight. If I release you, will you relent?”

Kirk suddenly stopped struggling. “Okay, you win.”

Spock didn’t completely trust Kirk’s words, which in itself brought even more unease, but he had little choice unless he wished to follow through with his threat. Slowly, he release his hold and lifted himself off Kirk.

As if nothing had happened, Kirk got up and walked over and sat on the bench against the wall. He grabbed the towel that was placed there and began to wipe down his face and chest.

“You’re getting better at this,” Kirk commented as he dried off his arms. He stopped and studied his forearm. “I think I’m going to have a few bruises.”

Spock stood up and came over to take a seat at his side. “I apologize. But I feared our match was escalating into something other than a test of skills.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. Why would it?”

Spock wasn’t sure what to say. He knew he hadn’t imagined the unchecked force Kirk had used to try to gain the upper hand. “Jim, are you not aware that you—”

“Captain Kirk to sickbay.” McCoy’s voice issued from the comm behind them.

Kirk stood and walked over. He pressed the switch with one hand while toweling dry his hair with the other. “Kirk here.”

“Captain, could you come down to the medical lab?” McCoy asked.

“What is it, Bones?”

There was a moment’s hesitation. “I’d really prefer to speak to you in person, Jim.”

Kirk looked down at himself and grimaced. “Can you give me fifteen minutes?”

“Make it ten.”

With that, the intercom went dead.

“Wonder what that’s all about?” Kirk started toward the showers. “Come on, Spock. Chances are I’m going to need your expertise.”

From the way the doctor had sounded, Spock could only agree. He turned and followed his captain.

~~~~~

Kirk hurried into the lab with Spock a step behind him. McCoy was sitting at one of the stations, peering into a microscope.

“What’s going on?” Kirk asked.

McCoy straightened. “We’ve got trouble. I’ve got a crewman in sickbay with Rigelian Fever.”

“You sure?”

“Of course I’m sure. He came in complaining that he didn’t feel well and that he thought he had a temperature. Well, he does all right, but that’s not all he has.”

“Where do you think he picked it up?”

“I’m assuming on Merak I. It’s an open planet, notwithstanding the starbase. I’ve put in a call to the base’s commanding officer to see if they’ve had any cases.”

“How about on the ship? Is there just the one case?”

“I doubt it. Rigelian fever takes a couple of days to incubate, but in that time he’s probably infected a hell of a lot of the other crew members. I ordered everyone who’s had contact with him to report to sickbay. Chapel’s already started screening them. But that’s only going to catch the oldest cases. They’ve very likely infected more crew members by now.”

“If you are in need of any assistance, Doctor, I will gladly offer my services,” Spock remarked.

“Thanks, but first you’re going to have to find a planet with some ryetalyn.”

“We don’t have any on board?” Kirk asked.

“Some, but nowhere near what we’re going to need.”

“This far from normal traffic lanes, it may be difficult to locate. Ryetalyn is extremely rare,” Spock said.

“Don’t you think I know that?” McCoy snapped. “But it’s our only hope. Jim, this is going to spread through the crew like wild fire. I need the ryetalyn and I need it now.”

Kirk turned to Spock. “Use one of the science lab’s computers and start a search. Let me know as soon as you find anything.”

“Yes, Captain,” Spock replied and then left the room.

“How much time do we have, Bones?”

“It’s hard to say, but I wouldn’t imagine more than a couple of days. Probably less.”

“That fast?”

“Yes, that fast. I can’t stress it enough. We need the ryetalyn or everyone aboard this vessel is going to get the disease eventually; this ship isn’t big enough to keep that from happening. And once everyone is affected, we’re all dead men.”

“Let’s not borrow trouble. I’m sure Spock will come up with something; he always does. Until then, keep me informed on the progress of the disease. I’ll be in my quarters.”

Once in his cabin, Kirk put in a call to Starfleet. Though he wasn’t hopeful, there was always the chance that another ship was close enough to bring them what they needed or help in the search.

While he waited for an answer, he kept busy by reading the latest reports on his desk, all the while keeping part of the screen focused on the information coming out of sickbay. Less than two hours later, McCoy had already found a handful of crew members who were affected.

When the call from Starfleet finally came in, the news wasn’t good. There wasn’t a ship anywhere near them, the closest being almost three days away. They were on their own. He’d just signed off when Spock entered their room.

“Any luck?” Kirk asked as he looked up.

“Yes, sir. I have discovered a source of ryetalyn on Holberg 917G. At warp six, we can reach the planet in five point seven hours.”

“Good. That’s good, Spock.” Kirk switched on the intercom. “Kirk to bridge.”

“Bridge here.”

“Scotty, set course for Holberg 917G, warp six. Let me know when we make orbit.”

“Ay, sir.”

Kirk cut the connection and looked up at Spock. “Have you informed McCoy?”

“Yes, sir.”

Kirk’s eyes narrowed. “What’s the matter, Spock?”

“Nothing of which I am aware.”

“Don’t give me that. We’re off duty. The only time you call me sir then is when you’re upset with me, so spit it out.”

Spock pressed his lips together, as if unsure of his course. Finally he nodded his head and took a seat across from Kirk.

“I believed you were...displeased with me.”

“What? Why would you think that?”

Spock regarded him quizzically. “In the gym, you appeared upset.”

“What are you talking about? I was fine.”

“Jim, your actions were not that of someone who is fine. It almost appeared as if you were attempting to cause physical harm.”

“I don’t know what to tell you. But I’m not mad at you, and I wasn’t mad at you then. And I certainly wasn’t trying to hurt you.”

Spock seemed to mull this over and then inclined his head. “Perhaps I was in error.”

“There’s no perhaps about it.” Kirk switched off his terminal. “Come on. We’ve got a few hours before we get to the planet. Let’s say we get some sleep. We’re going to need it.”

They didn’t undress, merely removed their boots before settling on the bed. At first, Spock lay with his back to Kirk until Kirk pulled him over so that Spock’s head rested on his chest. Within minutes, the Vulcan’s breathing evened out in sleep.

Though tired, Kirk couldn’t fall asleep right away. He kept thinking about what Spock had said. Where had Spock gotten the idea that he was upset with him? Kirk tried to recall his actions in the gym. As far as he could remember, he’d acted perfectly normal. Maybe he’d been a little exuberant, but his adrenaline had been up.

He gazed down at the man in his arms. He couldn’t imagine hurting Spock in any way. Silly to even think about it. He closed his eyes.

~~~~~

Five hours later, Spock opened his eyes. Beside him, Kirk still slept. He lightly laid his hand on Kirk’s shoulder.

“Jim, it is time. We should be in orbit within point six hours.”

Kirk woke up immediately. He sat up and swung his legs to the side of the bed. “I’m going to wash up. Call McCoy and have him meet us in the transporter room in half an hour.”

It took only minutes for both to be ready and they departed their cabin with time to spare.

“What’s taking McCoy?” Kirk asked as he paced the room.

“The Doctor should be here momentarily,” Spock said. This was an emergency, but the time at which McCoy had been told to meet them had not yet arrived.

“He’d better be. That’s—it’s about time,” Kirk snapped when the door flew open and the doctor entered.

McCoy only gave him a look as he took his place on the transporter platform. Kirk and Spock quickly followed his lead and they were beamed down. Seconds later, they reappeared on the planet’s surface.

It was a desolate place, ship’s sensors having indicated that the planet was uninhabited. So when they were first approached by some sort of probe, and then a man, it occurred to Spock that obtaining the ryetalyn was going to prove more difficult than they had supposed. The man, Flint, appeared willing to help after an initial rebuff, but Spock was not sanguine that that was truly the case.

Later, when they were introduced to Flint’s ward, Spock could not help but be cautious; not one, but two life forms had been missed by the ship’s sensors. But caution swiftly turned to alarm after noting the look on Kirk’s face.

~~~~~

Spock was not gratified to find that his initial assessment of the situation had been correct. Not only had Flint proved to be untrustworthy, but Kirk’s reaction to Flint’s ward soon bordered on obsession.

 

Spock waited until McCoy had left before approaching Kirk. His bondmate had been acting oddly even before their arrival on this planet, but even more so since he’d met Rayna Kapec. It was almost as if Kirk had forgotten all in his quest for the woman and Kirk in that mode could be most intractable. Spock decided to take a more circumspect approach.

“Captain, something else which is rather extraordinary. This waltz I just played is by Johannes Brahms.”

“Later, Spock,” Kirk absently responded, seeming unable to turn his gaze from the direction the woman had taken.

“Captain, it is written in manuscript, in original manuscript, in Brahms’ own hand, which I recognize. It is totally unknown, definitely the work of Brahms, and yet unknown.”

He might as well have remained silent. Kirk’s attention was elsewhere.

“I think I will go the laboratory. There may be a way of reversing the irillium’s effect and saving the existing antitoxin. Stay here. Let me know when Flint and McCoy return.”

Kirk didn’t wait for a reply. He left the room without a backward glance.

At first, Spock just stood there. Obeying his captain was almost innate. But so was defending what was his.

It took him only seconds to catch up to Kirk. He strode up behind him and grabbed his arm. “I wish to speak to you.”

Kirk spun around, shaking him off at the same time. “What the hell do you think you’re doing? I told you to wait for McCoy.”

“This cannot wait. I wish to know what it is you are doing. Why are you pursuing this woman?”

“I’m trying to find out what’s going on around here. How I go about doing that is none of your business.”

“Is it not? When you are pursuing an avenue of investigation that promises nothing, that does nothing but dishonor the bond you swore to sustain?”

“You’re crazy.”

“Am I? Miss Kapec does not have the information we seek. Flint is whom you should be questioning more thoroughly.”

“We don’t know that.”

“Yes, we do, so you will cease your prevarication. I have seen you express your interest in a woman too many times to not be aware of its signs. What you are doing is not for the good of the ship or the mission, it is strictly for your own personal gratification. I will not allow it to go further.”

“ _You_ will not allow it?” Kirk took a step closer, his face almost red with rage. “Don’t you dare try to tell me what I can or can’t do. Who the hell do you think you are? In case you’ve forgotten, First Officer, I’m your captain. I’m the one who gives the orders, and as long as I’m your captain you’ll obey those orders and like it.” His eyes narrowed. “Unless, of course, you’re looking to be transferred off my ship.”

“You know that is not what I wish.” Spock took a breath in order to school his thoughts. He had been completely astonished by Kirk’s reaction. “Why are you behaving in such a manner? Is what you feel for this woman so formidable that you would deny what is between us?”

“I’m not denying anything. You’re the one who’s acting like a jealous spouse. And I’ll tell you one thing right now, that’s not what I signed on for.”

Spock felt as if he had taken a physical blow. “You knew the parameters to which you would be confined when we began our relationship. You are my bondmate, the one...the one to which I have joined all that I am.”

“You ask too much. You can’t own me, Spock. I want...” Kirk rubbed his forehead and appeared to be struggling for words. “I want...”

“What? What is it you wish of me? Jim,” he was almost pleading now, “what is it you want?”

For a moment, it seemed to Spock that Kirk hesitated, as if confused by his own actions. But then he saw a look of resolve firm on his bondmate’s face.

“I want you to go back to the drawing room and wait for McCoy.” He didn’t wait for Spock to respond before he turned and walked purposely away.

Spock lowered his head. What had just ensued? Had he just witnessed the future of their relationship—or its end? Would there be more Odonas, more Raynas in their future? No, there was no way in which he could possibly live under such conditions. Either Kirk was his or he wasn’t. Once back on the ship, he would force an answer from his bondmate. One way or the other, Spock would bring this to a resolution. Then, he would decide what he would do with the rest of his life.

He straightened and started back to the drawing room.

~~~~~

_Forget._

_Forget your pain. Forget the struggle which is tearing you apart._

_Forget._

The word hung in his mind like a death knell. In the darkness of his cabin, Spock sat at his desk and rested his forehead against its cool surface. His arms clutched around his midriff, as if to protect himself from a blow. He had done the only thing he could have done, the only thing that would bring peace to his captain.

It hadn’t been what he had planned when he had first placed his fingers against Kirk’s meld points. But McCoy’s words had haunted him, making him question what it was Kirk really wanted to forget.

They had returned from the planet after Rayna’s death and McCoy had departed immediately for the sickbay to start the inoculations. They had had very little time to spare. Kirk, as if feeling a bond with Flint, had taken the broken man under his wing and had escorted him to a prepared cabin. Spock had been left to deal with his own predicament.

He had found no solution by the time he’d gone to Kirk’s cabin. Watching his bondmate mourn the loss of his love had been almost more than he could bear. But bear it he did, through Kirk’s sorrow and through McCoy’s words of condemnation.

Spock had always wondered at the doctor’s reaction to learning of his and Kirk’s bonding. Now he understood. He had deemed Spock unable to fulfill Kirk’s emotional needs. Perhaps he had been right. In any event, it was now a moot point, for, standing there, watching the sleeping Kirk, he had come to a decision.

There was no way Spock could remove memories en masse; everything a person thought or did was intrinsically tied to everything else. What he could do was blunt those memories, so that their remembrance would be as if of a memory of years gone by. Foremost in Kirk’s thoughts would be the love he had felt for the woman. Somewhere, tossed into the recesses of his mind, would be the love he had once felt for Spock. He had given Kirk comfort. And his freedom.

He brought his head up at the sound of the door buzzer. It occurred to him to ignore it, but duty was too fundamental to who he was. He stood and straightened his tunic.

“Come.”

McCoy walked in. “You’re going to have to take command of the ship for awhile.”

“Has something happened to the captain?” Spock marveled at how composed his words sounded.

“Somehow, he’s been exposed to some sort of neurotoxin. I’ve got him in sickbay right now having his system flushed out.” McCoy shook his head. “You know, I wondered at his behavior on the planet. No one falls in love in two hours, not even Jim Kirk. So when we returned, I got a sample of his blood for analysis. Gave him some story about there being a chance we were exposed to something.”

“And this neurotoxin would explain his aberrant behavior?”

“It sure would. It causes the person to lose any sort of perspective. They’d focus solely on whatever it was they were after, to hell with the consequences. But to them, their behavior would seem perfectly normal. I just wish I could pin down the time he was exposed.”

“Would it have not been recently? Perhaps a short time before beaming down to Flint’s planet?”

“No, the toxin takes awhile to get to full strength.” McCoy appeared to mull over the problem. “Come to think of it, he was acting sort of strange the other day. We were having a discussion and he didn’t seem to know if he was coming or going.” He narrowed his eyes. “It was soon after we dropped off the survivors of Dr. Sevrin’s party.”

“Indeed? This would also explain his behavior in the gym yesterday.”

“What happened in the gym?”

“He seemed to become so focused on winning our wrestling bout that he resorted to some rather unorthodox maneuvers. If they had been used against anyone else, he could have caused that person extreme injury.”

“Given all that, I’m inclined to think someone in Sevrin’s party slipped him something.”

“But the captain was never alone with any of them. I cannot think how it could have been done.”

“Maybe Jim will remember once it’s all out of his system.”

“How long will he be indisposed?”

“A couple of days. I want to make sure he’s completely cured before I let him run the ship again.”

“Logical.” Spock considered the information. “Doctor, if the toxin was responsible for the captain’s affection for Ms. Kapec, how will he react to his memories of her?”

“I’m not sure. I think he’ll be more embarrassed than anything else. Under any circumstances, Jim would have been attracted to the woman, but doing what he did....” He shrugged.

“When may I speak with him?”

“Whenever you want to. He can have visitors.” McCoy hesitated. “Spock, about what I said earlier, in Jim’s cabin. I guess I was more upset than I thought. I...I know in your own way you do care for him, and Jim seems to know it, too. Whatever you’re doing, it seems to be the right thing.”

Spock only inclined his head in reply. Though he was gratified to hear McCoy’s words, what was between him and Kirk was private and not open for discussion.

“Well, I guess I’ll be going now. I told Scotty I’d meet him for dinner,” McCoy said and then started for the door. Apparently, he wasn’t anymore comfortable talking about Kirk and Spock’s relationship than Spock was.

Once McCoy had left, Spock put in a call to the bridge. He made sure all stations were covered and then headed for sickbay.

~~~~~

“Hi, Spock.” Kirk was awake, but appeared somewhat drowsy.

Spock hesitantly approached the foot of the bed. Kirk was still attached to the apparatus that was removing the toxin from his system and Spock didn’t want to interfere with the process.

“Come here.” Kirk patted a space next to him on the bed. “There’s room for you to sit.”

Spock carefully made his way over but stopped short of sitting down.

“I won’t bite, you know.” Kirk gave him a half-smile. “It’s all right, Spock. Please, sit down.”

Spock did as Kirk requested. But now that he was here, he was unsure of his course of action.

“I made a real mess of things this time, didn’t I?”

“You cannot be blamed for what transpired.”

“Maybe not, but I feel like three kinds of fools right now. Not only did I make a complete idiot of myself over Rayna, but I hurt you terribly, not weeks after telling you that I never wanted to do that.”

“You remember all that transpired?”

“Most of it. Even the part you tried to change.”

Spock pressed his lips together. In his joy, that indiscretion had slipped his mind.

“Don’t ever do that again, Spock. I’m a big boy. I can handle the pain, no matter what I say.”

“It was a mistake on my part to do so. It will not happen again.”

“Okay, anyway, Bones said the rest will come back eventually.”

“Do you have any idea how you were exposed to the toxin? McCoy and I believe it happened some time while Dr. Sevrin’s party was aboard.”

Kirk mulled over the information. “I don’t see how. I never spent any real time with any of them.”

“Never? You never had any contact with them or with something they may have handled?”

“The only thing I handled was the pin they gave you and that was to, um, throw it away.” Kirk colored.

Spock frowned. “I was given no pin.”

“It was on your dresser, one of those pins they all wore.”

Spock thought back. “Adam must have left it when he came to my cabin in order to ask for my assistance in setting up a music session.”

Kirk’s eyes widened. “It was probably meant for you.”

“Yes, that would appear to be the case.”

“Maybe they thought that if they could get you to lose control, you might join them.”

“Perhaps, though I do not believe I could ever lose so much control as to leave the ship—and you.”

Kirk grimaced. “Don’t count on it. Look what it made me do.”

“Jim, do not—”

Kirk gently lay his fingers against Spock’s lips. “I know it’s not my fault, but that doesn’t completely rid me of all blame.”

Spock took Kirk’s hand in his and brought it down so that their joined hands lay on the bed between them. “I must share in that blame. As we have discovered before, there is still much to learn about each other. Given our circumstances, I cannot but imagine that one or both of us will find ourselves in a situation where our trust in one another may be tested. I allowed myself to question that trust; I will not do so again.”

Kirk smiled. “Me, either. From now on, whatever happens, we’re in this together. Agreed?”

“Agreed.”

“Good, now if you could scoot over here.” Kirk tugged Spock toward him as he moved over, making room in the bed. “I’m stuck here for another two days. The least you can do is give your captain the pleasure of your company.”

Spock managed to fit himself next to Kirk by sliding his arm around Kirk’s shoulders. He settled back, rejoicing in the feel of Kirk once more in his embrace, once more the man who had captured Spock’s respect and love. Within minutes, Kirk was asleep.

As Spock continued to watch over his bondmate, he contemplated what the future might hold for them, knowing full well that there would be other times when they would find themselves again in difficult situations. Their commitment to each other would be tested, but somehow they would find their way through. Resting at his bondmate’s side, Spock was sure of it.

> _“A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner”_
> 
> _English Proverb_


End file.
